| (no subject) |
[Nov. 25th, 2005|12:17 pm] |
I'm making another LiveJournal. I'm making it friends only. Then I'll know who reads it and who can't. I was kinda asking for it when I didn't make it friends only. More people read it than I expected.
Besides that, me and Dan just had a much needed conversation. We're cool now, and that's all I'm gonna say.
I need to hang out with someone today. I NEED BREAKFAST or something. I've had my away message that says I'm making breakfast up for like 30 minutes now.
Well. Thanksgiving. Hung out with John and Emma, my two favorite cousins, up in conneticut. We played N64 and such. Their dog's cool. They left and the family and I played Trivial Pursuit. It was really fun. I fell asleep on the couch midway through.
Oh. On the way to conneticut, me and my brother always draw faces on clementines with sharpies. We got into conneticut, and we both didn't feel like doing it, so I'm like "Let's do it later." and he's like "There'll be no time. Let's just do them really simple and fast." and I'm pretty sure we got through a whole box of clementines in under 3 minutes. They turned out funny, but not detailed at all. Different. Good. They made me laugh. They made me cry.
I'm not preaching about drugs or anything. Well, I'm not gonna try to make them quit. I'll expain my views once, then they can just think about it. It's not like it'll help or anything, but I might as well. It makes me feel good when people are happy, and I guess drugs makes them happy. Meh. Not my problem. If it is a problem in the first place.
Yeah. Lesson learned. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2005|09:25 am] |
| [ | How'my feeling today? |
| |  cheerful | ] |
After Kevin left yesterday, Andrew and Greg came over. We ate. We listened to music. We walked to Coreys. Hung out there. Played Pool. Went outside. Went to Kristin's. Hung out there. Andrew and Greg left, Corey fell asleep. Then I left. That's pretty much it. But it was a great night. Haven't hung out with any of them in a long time.
Today I'm going to Conneticut. Gah. I don't have any good music. Well I do, but my mom's sick of it.
Hope Mike's coming in our car so I can use his iPod.
It's good because I see John and Emma today. My two favorite cousins. We'll play N64 and stuff.
Now I'm watching a Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends marathon. Love this show so much.
I've seen this one so many times though. The one where Blue gets hiccups and faces Blake Superior in the talent show.
At least I saw one I haven't seen yet today. Where Edwardo ran away and went to junkyard fights.
ANYWAY. Friday I want to do something fun and video game related. Mario Party Party, maybe? Saterday, shindig? Sunday, shindig? Blah.
I'm gonna read a lot today. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 23rd, 2005|04:06 pm] |
SCHOOL. I was happy today. Did my homework (well, English homework before school, even though he didn't check) and had a test in all my main classes. 4 tests. w00t w00t. Well one of them was a quiz. I think I did well on them all. Math, either I got an A, or I got a C+. There's no other grades. English, umm, not good. History, B or B+ probably. Science, A definitely. And for my folder, probably a B or B+.
Me and Dan are friends again. I apologized. It's not like I didn't like him at all. I was just looking at the bad sides of him. We laughed this morning on the bus a number of times.
Lunch was. Umm. Yeah. Good?
Aaron was gonna come over, but couldn't get in touch with his momma. So Kevin Doria came over. We played Mario Kart and Tony Hawk 1. Wow. The game was so glitchy, the screens just kept scrolling down and we had to play really weirdlike. We pretty much ate and talked about eating. Made tuna melts, peppermint ice cream. ya know.
He left and hopefully Greg Z is coming. Then we might hang out with Corey. Haven't seen them in so long. Gonna be nice.
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:)♥-<
` |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2005|05:01 pm] |
JGIoJWEfoiqopfkhijIOFU()#$*%^&@(*#UF()#RJFJFOWEJF*(#UFJ#(@#$*(F
I think I was happier when I kept my feelings supressed. When I don't tell anyone anything, my life's a lot better. Well no. I have to have a limit. Yesterday, I told Dan I didn't like him at all. I mean, I didn't mean not at all. But he's been such a dick lately. We can't have a decent conversation. I mean, we're completely different. I like when people actually used to listen to me. I mean, they do. They're just selfish. I guess I'm selfish too. I'm really selfish. I'm trying to be selfless, but I guess there's such thing as too selfless that it becomes selfish. You know what I mean. Try to make something quit and they don't, you keep doing it, just so you're happy?
Okay. So. I told him I didn't like him. I wanted to eliminate what made me unhappy. But. Today, it just made me really depressed. I shouldn't preach unless I've done things. I don't really preach about pot much because I never got high, but I still don't think it's the greatest thing to do. I guess I can't really preach about things much if that's the case. But I don't believe that. I think people should be able to preach about what they feel is right. Nobody's saying anything about how the catholic church preaches about something they never did. They never had proof about anything.
I'm just saying that I almost died from ambien. I don't want that happening to anyone, seeing how that can happen to anyone in any form of drugs. Except pot. But that hurts the brain, slightly the lungs, and impairs judgement and whatever.
So last night was really good. Made me happy. Then all through today I was good. Painting class cheered me up so much. Ashley cheers me up a lot.
After school I just felt like shit. We watched Requiem for a Dream. My second time in a few days. Great movie. I wasn't just watching it with her to preach about it. It's just a good movie in general.
Okay I'm just gonna apoligize to Dan and let him respond with whatever he needs to say. I'll change some flaws in me if I have to. Even though Dan never had many good arguments. "Seeing someone get hit by a car is the exact same thing as your friend ODing." That just pissed me off. So yeah, I'm gonna apoligize to him, but just try to avoid hanging out or thinking about them two. They cause me the most pain, and I think I'd just be better off without them, yet, not confronting them. I'd rather them smile at me in the halls than not even make eye contact even when we sit at the same lunch table.
Aside from that, I think I've figured out what I want to do to make myself happy again. Forget about them, Hang out with my less-new friends more.
This list of friends I need to hang out with is:
Greg Salwen
Jordan Rebolini
Konrad Kamm
Greg Zelinski
Andrew DeBarbiari
Scott Murrah
Katy Korkadillo
Kristin Gifunni
Alyssa Balkom
John Christianson
Corey Adwar
I wish Seth would come to NY.
I wish my mom would drive me to see Erin Wagner.
I wish I was friends with a few new people that care about my feelings as much as I care about them.
Aaron, Meghan, and Alyssa are really cool. I should hang out with them too.
I want Jenna and me to be cool again. I'm gonna visit her one day. Liv too. And Liz.
I really wish I just had my old friends back + a few new ones. I'm gonna go back on myspace. I've done my homework, and need to do something productive. I'll comment people I just listed.
I'm not sad. I'm going to disregard yesterday at school, and today afters school. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 21st, 2005|05:34 pm] |
Today was bad. Like, yeah. Came in late. The ceiling in the common's collapsed so we couldn't go in there. Wow. Great hazard. It's a metaphor for everyone's life right now. Everone's depressed and it's making me more depressed.
I have a plan though. It might make me lose a friend, but whatever. If it's coming down to that, I'd rather be happy than her.
Today I told Dan I didn't really like him at all. It may be harsh since he was like my best friend my whole life, but he's been such a dick lately. Today he stole my drink and I got it back and he's like "youz a bitch ass" and I said "Dan. I don't really like you. At all. You're such a dick lately. You always say "Ken Korb's a bitch ass" and end every sentance with "Fuck you Ken Korb" and you're such a bad influence, and I can't have a conversation with you without you lecturing, even mentioning drugs. And you just make me feel like shit all the time" and he was kinda quiet the rest of the period. To be honest, I was really sad the whole day, then he steals my drink and I just felt like dying.
Meghan was gonna come over and play Mariokart with me because I was feeling bad, but I coudln't find her, and I missed the bus. Stayed after with Aaron though. We walked Hannah halfway home. Then found Meghan. hung out with her. Went all emo. sat, talked, blah. He drove me home. I played Mariokart, then drew anther comic. Nobody can come over and play mariokart with me and I hate it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2005|10:15 pm] |
My sister never seems like she appreciates anything I do. Not just that, but even musicwise. Joe put on Architecture in Helinski last sunday as dinner music, and she liked it. Then this week, I put on Arcade Fire and she's like "Put on dinner music, please!" and I'm like "How about Tilly and the Wall? No? Umm... Postal Service? Say Hi to your Mom? BRIGHT EYES?!?! Umm..." so I just put on Architecture in Helinski again because she didn't want any of that on, but then she's like "No, let me just choose. This isn't dinner music."
Umm, wtf?
And I can't have a good conversation with her without her lecturing me. It's big patty all over again, only minus the drugs.
Then I was on AIM because I didn't feel like contributing anything to the conversation at the table, and she's like "BLAHBLAHBLAH" So I had to get off. But then I went back on, then I pulled up my website because my cousin wanted me to show it to her, and then I'm like "Umm, did anyone want to see my site?"
And I showed them all my comics. It was great. They loved it. I was especially happy when my sister didn't lecture me about guns when I showed her the funnybone one.
AHHH.
on to the next topic.
We're watching a movie tuesday. I don't think she likes me. I'm. I'm. I'm glad kinda. Although now I just want something meaningless now. But then it'd turn into something like this. Only next time it won't be with a druggie. Although I want to help her, I don't really think I can. I'll still try. We had great times when she wasn't on drugs. Like when I found the guitar in the bushes and serenaded her. Like when she got hit in the head with a toy and I gave her CPR. Like when we slept on her bed for a few hours in the middle of the day. Like when we did that for the next few days. Like when she made me forget about monday.
I should. Have. Done something about the other situation. I had the chance to have what I wanted, but it was staring me a few inches away and I didn't do anything, and just left it at that. And that helped me a lot later that night.
Ahh. I want to do something. I want to bikeride. No. I want to do something completely innocent. I want to hang out with a girl with no physical interaction that could lead to anything. I want to watch a movie with a few guy friends and not because of a drug experience and teach him the right thing. I want to play video games and nothing happen anywhere around us in any way. Just video games.
I want them to learn. I want them not to be stupid. She's out of reach though. She's one of those "I care about you. Not enough to not hurt you though!" He actually cares about my feelings enough to do something about it though. I can help him. I know it.
I just want to say that tuesday was spontanious. I keep thinking about it. And it was really different how it happened. RAH. I shouldn't be saying this. Wow. It hasn't even been a week.
Well I needed to write this. I'm just 'flowing with emotion' nowadays. I think it's needed though. I need to learn how to handle situations like this. Sorry I don't comment on anyone's livejournal anymore. I'm just thinking about myself for once. Sorry. I really am. I care about all of you, but I've always put everyone before me, and I really need time for me. Too bad I can't encourporate(HORRIBLE SP) this whole shapeel into a GreenGrey. My new one that isn't done yet is kinda romantic, but I've never used that line seriously before(I don't think it can be serious) and it's not really about my emotions. None of them are. They're spurr of the moment things like "Hey, that's a good thought. HEY! THAT'S FUNNY! Now I just have to draw it"
NOW. I'm not going on myspace for a week. Gonna be tough. Starting tomororw that is.
I'm such a lazy fuck.
I love how I can tell so many people my feelings about everything. Aaron, Jordan, Greg, Kristin, Meghan, Alyssa. I think I tell Aaron the most. Yeah, I definitely do. I don't want advice from anyone though. Wait. No. I do want advice. Just not things that'll make me change my mind. Not guidance. Advice. I don't want people to tell me to stop hanging out with them. I want people to help me make a desision if I should tell her or not. Not advice about who I should like. Advice that just reeassures me that they're there for me. That they say "anytime" after a GOOD conversation.
I always helped people out. I always listened. I never expressed MY emotions on things. Just this year I started expressing my emotion. And it's weird. I really like it better. I cried recently for the first time in like a year to be honest. Not like, full out bawling, but just like, lying in my bed thinking and just like, tearing. Oh man, I'm such a wimp aren't I? Nah. I'm fine with it. I never cry anyway for some reason. I just don't. Idunno. My eye hurts now and it smells like my micky mouse shirt. For some reason, only my micky mouse shirts get smelly really fast.
I wonder if she reads this journal. I really should make it friends only, but I'm kinda hoping she reads it so I can be a wimp and not tell her anything. She knows it's about her. It's really obvious. She said something to me today that I don't know what she meant. And I took it as one thing right away, but now that I look back, I don't know what she meant. I wish I realized that then. Then I could have asked what she meant. It could be the difference between her liking me or not. God/Jewish God. I'm such a loser. If only school wasn't here, it'd be so much easier. On top of all this stress that I'm actually kinda enjoying, there's school which just multiplys it by 12teen.
Nobody's gonna read this. I don't care. I just want her to read it. And for her to read my last few entries. Blah blah blah. I am a loser, aren't I? I don't really know what I wrote all that for.
Just so ya know. If you don't have a LJ and are reading this, you can still comment and make me feel better |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2005|02:04 am] |
So I guess I like her. But I don't want to. Just because something happened, doesn't mean I have to make anything of it, right? That's actually how I felt at first. Then I kinda started liking her. Then after tonight, I realized I shouldn't like her. We're really different in certain ways. I don't really know how or why it happened in the first place. She was being really cool about everything the whole week. It was a side of her I really got to know and like. Why'd I have to hang out with her tonight? I could have just said no.
Now on to him. I was losing faith in him. Well after tonight at least. Not only in front of me, but while I was telling him not to. But we all talked about stuff on the way home, took the long way home, and when home, he did something I never thought I'd see him do. And I really have a lot of respect for him now. I thought he had no will power. But he did it. And I'm really happy for him. Took my feelings into account this time. Not just by being sad about it.
She said that I was the anti-drug that made everyone feel like shit.
He actually did something other than feel like shit this time. That's a big step forward. I know he didn't like it, but he really needed to do it. It's not just about him. I stopped mostly because my friends were getting mad, and I realized that people actually cared about me, and I didn't want to hurt them by doing that. It made me feel really good when I stopped. It made me feel really good when he did that.
It doesn't make me feel good that I like her, but I shouldn't like her because of all that.
Other girl I don't have feelings for anymore. Good riddance. About time. Perfect timing, too.
I'm greedy right now though. Not greedy enough though. Thank god I have enough will power.
None of this makes any sense. I don't like how he got in the middle of this, when he's pure enough to never see any of this. Well. No. I shouldn't say that. I think it was good that he was here. He contributed a lot. He was another anti-drug.
Requiem for a Dream is amazing. I want to watch it with her. Hope she's never seen it before. Probably not. She'd probably have different views on things if she did. It changed my views on things for sure. I cried the first time I watched it. The first time I watched it, I got home from school. Had nothing to do. And watched it. Alone in the house, I just cried at what every little flaw in my life meant to me. The littlest things bugged me. Mostly because I wasn't used to anything big.
I'm being bipolar. No. I'm just going through mood swings. Every few days I'm really happy, then sad. Then I think it's getting better, than sad. Sunday-good Monday-bad Tuesday-great Wednesday-good Thursday-good Friday-meh Saturday-bad. Meh. Doesn't seem too bad. But still. I just feel like I'm reacting to things differently at different times.
I just don't want to like her anymore. I'm gonna watch Requiem for a Dream with her, and if she doesn't want to change for me even the slightest bit, then I'm not gonna be there for her when she goes spiraling down like 'maid marien'.
GOD. I hate this. I feel like tacos. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 18th, 2005|11:23 pm] |
Alriiiight.
Gonna be pretty vague. Some of you may get what I'm saying.
Well the past week was weird. I think I changed the most I've ever changed within the last week. I know it may seem weird, but I just feel different. no. The way I act is different. I'm still slow, but I'm working on that. I'm always tired. It may be the complete lack of sleep. But every day(except thursday) this week, I went to a girl's house and layed in her bed and napped. Well today it was at my house, but still. GIRL.
Anyway, I don't know if I like her. We're kinda really different it seems like. Well sometimes. I don't like her anymore. That's why I told him that I didn't care anymore if he did. Which actually helped a lot considering tonight. I thought I was just telling myself that, but it turns out when it happened, I couldn't care less. Then I felt obligated to that other thing, but nothng happened.
I'm not that cool with it though. I thought it was meaningless. Not meaningless. But just something that happened because it was in the moment. Well that's what I meant too. I was almost definitely sure I wouldn't make a big deal out of this like I make a big deal out of everything. Even nothing I make a big deal out of that's how sad I am. Not sad. I'm happy. Sad as in desperate. no. not that either. I don't know the word I'm looking for.
So yeah, I don't know if I do or not. I'm just lonely right now.
I have like 3 or 4 people I can talk to about everything, and that's it. Well, like 2 people I can COMPLETELY tell the truth about everything with. I don't break secrets though. Anyway, I want to hang out with them tomorrow again, because it's so fun.
I thought I had a lot more to say, but I guess I don't.
I just don't know if I like her or not. It's like the same thing as before, only minus him. |
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| BOY DAY AND HEARTS SEMICOLON |
[Nov. 17th, 2005|10:09 pm] |
Okay. I went to school today. Okay day. Nothing special. After school, Aaron, Andrew, Scott, Christy and I stayed after for Chinese Foodsday which was changed to thursday this week. Got our food, went into the MAIN COVE. It was cool. Had some goooood talks. Heard some gooooood ways to rape someone. Well, just weird stuff. Umm. I'm not gonna talk about it.
Aaron threw wanton at the wall and it made a funny sound, then threw them outside, then a security guard saw us walking out with chinese food and he's like "pick up that wanton" and Aaron's like "umm, it's not ours."
ANYWAY, went to pXpXc or Ping Pong Club. Too many people. Walked with Aaron and waited for his mom. PK'd kinda. Moshed kinda. Talked. I've been having great conversations with people lately.
He left and I went back (god I must have passed through the kickline team like 10 times today).
Nobody was there. Went to walk to Meghan's, and found scott and andrew and spencer and ANDREW PELEGRINO! Haven't seen him since west. ANYWAY, got a ride to meghans. She wasn't home. So I took alyssa's bike and rode home. No one could hang out so I rode the bike through mills pond backwards(sit on handle bars, pedal backwards) and I got it down, so I can go for a long time now. Visited people, they weren't home.
Went home, Greg was gonna come over, so I rode the bike around a bunch, then he came over. We rode around, then went inside. Talked, he played guitar. He left, I played Megaman and listened to HORSE the Band. Perfect Megaman music. Pumped. Then went to the Lake Grove Diner to meet Jordan there. I thought Chelsea was gonna come, and I never met her before, but it ended up just being REALLY awkward. It was me, Jordan, Ari, Mike, Jackie, Mary Grace, and Mary Grace's sister. Didn't know any of them. How'd I remebmer their names?
It was so funny. We just listened to the girls' conversations and said stuff to each other at random times. It was crazy. I said some great ones I think. Jordan said 'in bed' like 3 or 4 times, and 'your momma' once. Not too creative. So yeah, me and Jordan left, we're terrible at crossing the street.
We tried to cross, I was like, NOW! And we started but then we saw a car like right there. So after that, Jordan's like NOW! And we started, but then the light turned green. Went to Walmar--Walgr--Waldjesu--Waldbaums. Got redbull and candy. Went to borders. Music'd, then read bunny suicides. Love it so much.
Then waited for my mom and ate sour patch. Threw out all the yellows. Well. I woudln't say throwing it out...
We threw them a bunch playing basketball with the garbage and ended up missing over like 3/4s of them.
Came home. Ate, drank. Gonna sleep early again tonight.
Tomorrow? School. Meghan's after school + food quest. Then Aaron comes over for an N64 day. Maybe other people too if we want a Mario Party Party? Night Idunno. |
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| Bunnies |
[Nov. 16th, 2005|08:15 pm] |
Okay Okay Okay. I haven't been in the greatest moods lately, but I'm getting my life back on track, and I really am happy now. A bunch of things made me happy today. I'm not gonna say anything though. I don't really want to write about my day. It was really good though. This week has been good. No. As of yesterday it's been good. I don't know. I like it.
I finally know what to do, and I'm gonna take advantage of the opportunity.
And I thought I was gonna get a D in english, but I got a C. w00t.
And I for the first time ever, thought of myself as 'cool'. I know it may seem harsh on myself, but I never understood why people said they "loved" me so much or anything. Like, I'm so insecure, and I don't think anyone likes me, but today, I saw what people saw in me, and I liked it. Even though the lightest insult from someone who I wouldn't expect an insult from really hurts me still, I really think I'm a stronger person. Just like, from the end of the summer 'till now, I've just changed so much. For the better I think.
And I'm pretty sure I wrote about this before, but one day a few weeks ago, I was in the emoest mood, just woke up, didn't have a good morning, didn't have a good day before, and BAM. My mom bought Cinnomin Life. Greatest feeling ever. I had a great day. All becasue of that cereal. It's pretty much my happy snack now.
I'm feeling really good right now; I'm not doing too bad in English, I found my self esteem today, but I still want some Life right now. I'm gonna go eat some then watch a new Lost. For the past 3 days, all I've done was take naps with Hannah. Monday, took a nap. Tuesday, took like a 3-4 hour nap. Wednesday, went to Meghan's with Hannah and layed on her bed mostly. I think that counts.
Wow. That last paragraph pretty much summed up why I'm so happy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2005|10:48 pm] |
Today was okay. I came in late to school and went to study hall instead of history so I could do my science homwork. I really needed to get things in order in school. Anyway, did that. And stuff. Okay day at school. Actually really good. But whatever.
After school. Went over Hannah's. Played N. Then we were both tired, so we took a nap on her bed. Blah blah blah. At like 6 I left and literally ran home the whole way. Like a 15 minute run. Got home. Did homework. Made soup. I seriously have to stop eating soup so much.
Was gonna watch Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galexy, but I couldn't. Then later I could, but didn't.
I played frisbee with Dan again. Fun fun fun again.
Watched the office. Then talked. Had interesting conversations with a lot of people today. |
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| Little Android Man: Born Without a Soul |
[Nov. 14th, 2005|09:43 pm] |
| [ | How'my feeling today? |
| |  Umm | ] |
| [ | What do I hear? |
| | HORSE the Band - Cutsman | ] |
Alright. I'm not too happy. You can probably see why. If not, whatever. Anyway, I kinda saw it coming. I wasn't the best for her I don't think. Or at least the way I am right now isn't good for her. It's probably good for me too. I can sort things out now.
Well I love my friends. They're great. I don't like how my life is going much. I do, but not really. Social life is awesome, but my school life sucks. I hate school now, and I'm not doing great, and my mom's gonna be upset, and I don't wanna confront my teachers. I want a job. I want the new Mariokart that got a 9.2/10 on GameSpot. That'll cheer me up/waste weeks of my life. Especially now that I can play Adam in MarioKart I never got to do before.
Now I can't spend money until I get it. I hate my financial situation. I've been so stupid the past years. I hate it. I can change it. I almost changed it. Then I just got lazy. I want to convince my mom I can do well without great grades. I mean, fuck. No. I can't. I really just needed this as inspiration for next quarter.
I have plans every day this week and I can't break them because I need to change. That's what got me into this mess in the first place. I just want to do this. I want to keep my plans. I have. But not great. I bet at least one of these plans will screw up. I don't care. I really want a free day anyway.
Tonight, I'm gonna make some creamsickles, watch Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galexy, and have popcorn. Michelle's advice. I think I'll take it. It's days like this I love my PS2 and TV for the movie part and my refridgerator for the drinks part.
I want to drink. No.
No I don't. I won't.
It's the easy way of getting happy. I have more fun without it. I'd rather not get caught up again. I'd prefer not to.
I would prefer not to.
Irony isn't the right word. It's just the first word that comes to mind.
God. I want to sleep. But I'm not tired. I'm gonna watch the movie now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 13th, 2005|10:28 pm] |
Alright. Great weekend?
Thursday, went to Gregs, I think I covered that in last entry.
Friday, Aaron came over. I think I covered that in last entry too.
Saturday, I don't remember what I did. I played N64 and stuff. I really don't remember anything from the daytime. At like 5, Greg came over. We were gonna go to Alexa's, but we had to wait for dinner and then Jordan was coming over later anyway. So then they said come over before 7:30, but we didn't get ready or whatever 'till like 8, so we didn't go. We went uptown instead. Saw Hannah and Rich. Walked to Gaynor Park. Stuff stuff stuff. Steve Picozzi came! Yay. Biked. Umm. Attached a satalite to his bike. Then smashed it. Then left. Then stuff. Then Meghan came. Then blah blah blah. Walked to Patio. Meghan left. Hannah Left. Steve Left. "Scene posed" outside. Rich left. We walked to King Kullen. Got fucking batteries. Fuck fuck. Shit. Fuck. Anyway. Walked home. Put the batteries in my fan. Looked at the fan for a long time. So cool.
That night, we were gonna sneak out with Jackie and Chelsea, but then sorta thought of not doing it since my mom goes to bed at like 2 or 2:30 or whatever. Then at like 11, my mom was like "Umm, I'm going to bed before midnight tonight, so don't make much noise. PERFECT. So later on, at like 3ish, we left out the front door and walked to 7-11. Met them. Then walked around to Head of the Harbor. The beach thing. We pretty much layed down and huttled together for a few hours watching the stars, and we saw like 20 million shooting stars. Well, I saw 7 or 8 clear ones, and I think that's a lot. So yeah, it was really cold. Watched 'till it got light, then walked home. They got in Chelsea's house un-caught. We got in un-caught too.
Well we named the place "Planet Stardust"
Gonna go back there another night.
So today, I went to Astoria with Dad. Met up with SIster and her boyfriend. WEnt to the Museum of Moving Image. SO GREAT. I'm going there again sometime. Watching how gumby is made + making animation + making real life flipbook montage thign + playing katamari demaci + playing DDR = best museum ever. Yeah, come with me again somebody. Ate dinner at sisters. Listened to say hi to your mom. then went home. Fun Fun Fun Fun Fun.
Tomorrow I really want to shoot school. If school was a person. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 9th, 2005|01:31 pm] |
Well I'm not having the best week. Yesterday I hated. But then after school it got a lot better. I stayed after with Aaron for Chinese Fuedsday. A lot of people came and left and came and left. We ate. Very good. He drove me home. Greg came over. We did nothing for a while, then went to Alexa's house. Made a bunch of stops on the way there. It was nice to see Alexa again. Anyway, we played ping pong, hung out in her room, drove her golf cart, and trampolined. It was fun. We rode back in the dark. Did nothing again for a while, then he left. I tried to do my english project, but failed miserably. Slept, woke up at like 3. Did nothing. Ate. Fell asleep by accident at like 4. So I didn't finish my project. Went to school around 2nd period. Cut it with Hannah. It was fun. Assembally 3rd and 4th. Sucked. I drew. I laughed and thought how we're all going to hell at some racist jokes. Like, the assembally speaker was like "And where do black people come from?" and andrew yelled out "FROM HELL!" and it cracked me up. Lunch. Meh. Math. I think I aced my quarterly final. Lunch again. Meh. Painting. Sub. Same as normal. Only I didn't really talk much 'till the end. Filmmaking. Meh. Weilded the ruler of God. I'd say that was kinda worth mentioning...
I failed my Filmmaking test. Somehow. I studied, but it was so hard. One question was "What is the THX-1268?" or something, and I put "Terminator's enemy."
Now I'm playing guitar and writing lyrics. And and and. I want to do something. With anyone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2005|03:38 am] |
Sunday I went hiking with my dad. It was relaxing. It was like old times. I liked it. Hiked for a like 2 hours, got bagels, bordered it up, then home. Hannah, Meghan, Alyssa, othergirlIdontrememberhername, and AJ showed up at my door randomly, and we jumped on the trampoline. Then we went to Dan's. Meghan ruined like 2 hours of work on Madden 99 at Dan's. That must have sucked. Anyway, I had to get my binder from Meghans, so we rode there. Dan Reinhart and Dan Grant gave us Niko's bike free of charge, so Hannah took it and Niko got mad. They got the bike back and we chilled in her room for a little. Then I was gonna ride home, but my bike tires were flat. So were Hannah's. Thanks Dans! We walked home then. Pretty far, but still.
Monday I kept losing self esteem and it sucked. I wish I looked older. I wish I looked like I weighed more. I wish people had enough morals to not say stuff like -- well whatever. Anyway. I had like a 20 minute conversation about drugs with Dan and he's so ignorant it's really annoying. He's comparing soup to drugs, and getting hit by a car bike riding to ODing. He's like "Soup is high in sodium. If you only eat soup, you'll get a heart attack and die." He's also saying that "If your friend got hit by a car while riding a bike, would you stop riding your bike? That's the same with ODing."
After school I came home. Then went to Tom's and played Ping Pong. It was suprisingly relaxing. When we got a volly going for like 5 minutes straight, it like cleared my mind of everything. What a man's sport. So yeah, it was really fun, and the cat kept jumping on the table and chasing the ball, then laying down in the middle. It was really cool. Added coolness to the game.
I skated home in the dark, then wasn't allowed to hang out with Alexa. Did homework and watched Arrested Development and ate like 3 dinners. Played insanaquarium, then went to bed at like 10.
Started a drawing journal too. It's really helpful. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2005|03:02 pm] |
| [ | How'my feeling today? |
| |  content | ] |
I think it's the chapstick that's doing this to my lips.
Eliminate cause.
No more chapstick.
Too bad. It was really addicting and flavorful.
Now I'm going to Jordans.
It'll be fun. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2005|10:09 pm] |
| [ | How'my feeling today? |
| | apathetic | ] |
Dear Diary. Mood: Apathetic. Hah.
Okay. I just felt like shit all day today. Except in school? Meh. It was okay.
Yeah, I don't really think I deserve this.
I mean, after what I've done. I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but I was always there, and I never said no to them. I do it all the time too. rjgaiopefkjiowaef now my mom's mad at me and stuff and it's not like she's mad, it's just like she's annoyed that I don't clean my room and my lamp is messed up and iwejhtioawejfiowaejf yeah. I wished she was being nice like normal tonight so I could just write and play guitar without her bugging me to clean my room. Also, she never says no to sleepovers, but tonight she did. And that really upset me because I had a shitty day and I thought Aaron sleeping over could clear my mind because I can talk to him about stuff.
Yeah, but instead, I feel like I was betrayed. Even though it's not my decision about things people do, I'm always just helping people with problems and just listening to them, and then they go out and do this when I tell them not to. I was also getting more comfortable being me since I wasn't like, made fun of or whatever in so long, then I told someone I was in 11th and she flipped out because I look young and the way she said it really just pissed me off a lot. I can usually deal with it, but I was finding stuff out about everyone and just being, umm, different(?) all day, and she's like WHOAMAGAWDBBQ. and whatever.
Ice skating was a waste of $15. Well $30, but I really don't think she'll pay me back for a while. It was fun at first, but then after that it just got umm. I just hate paranoia. Especially that he lied about it. Not a big lie, but saying that lie made me think he was with it too. andfiowjefioawmecw.
Outside was fun. Umm Well not really. but it was better than being inside. It was too awkward in there.
Eating cheered me up so much. You have no idea. My upper lip is bothering me. I hate it so much. All day. I need to read my horiscope.
UDFck.
Fuck.
I thought a day to myself that I actually had the other day would keep me happy for a while. It would have. But this is kinda why I don't trust people. Not just lying. I just don't like when I'm there for someone at a lot of times, then they do something that they have COMPLETE CONTROL OVER, and it hurts me so bad, and they know that. And I just hate it. Fucking fuck fuck.
There's so much more, but I can't express it too vaguely. So Journal time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2005|08:41 pm] |
| [ | What do I hear? |
| | You and I misbehaving (Tilly and the Wall) | ] |
I like helping people.
Even if I'm not actually helping them.
Even if they're too ignorant.
I still like giving my opinion.
It's not just for you.
It's not just false reassurance.
I like telling it.
I like getting things off my mind.
Well now I do at least. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2005|06:31 pm] |
| [ | How'my feeling today? |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | What do I hear? |
| | Lover I don't want to Love | ] |
Today my history teacher said he saw me riding my bike yesterday instead of going to school. Cool. Doesn't matter.
English, I bought an indulgence.
Phys Ed, like always, we did nothing. Literally nothing. We went in 3 different rooms and sat.
Chemistry, we took notes. Heard a story. Watched the coolest video ever on Fusion Bombs.
Lunch was cool. Had a chat with a lady while spencer was dancing right behind her. Pretty hard to keep a straight face while talking to her about why cell phones are banned.
PreCalc, sub, didn't do much. At all. Just talked the whole time and showed off my emo chicken bag.
Lunch, went to library. Finished my montage almost.
Painting, drew my emo kid a little more, united friendship pencils with Ashley. Realized I saw "oh wow" and "quite" and other stuff too much. VHATEVER. If I say it, why should I not say it. If I add a word to my vocabulary, what should it matter.
Filmmaking, I went on LJ for a little, and went to the library to finish my montage, then presented it to him.
After school I was hungry, so I went on a Food Quest with Meghan. We rode to Taco Bell. MET MICHAEL AGAIN. Soooo awkward. He remembered me this time after a little while, then I'm like "well have fun at work" then he's like "No no no I have time to stay and chat with you and her right now" or something. He sad down next to me really awkwardly. Had an awkward conversation. Meghan was kinda in shock. He finally left and we laughed. We ate, then when Meghan went in the bathroom, I waited outside the door and Michael came up to me and we had a kinda more awkward than any other conversation with him ever. See if I can remeber:
M: Oh you're still here
K: Yeah, just waiting for my friend
M: Oh she's your sister
K: No
M: Really?
K: She's my friend
M: So what grade are you in?
K: 11th
M: you don't look it
K: I know I know, I look young
M: I see I see are you gonna grow?
K: Well I grew a few inches over the past few months. I'm still growing
M: I see. But you look the same height as all the other times I've seen you.
K: Well look ::stands up::
M: Oh yes. You are taller. Well I think I didn't remeber you the last time since you have anotehr group of friends you were with I don't know. are there any other friends I should know about?
K: Yeah, I have a lot of friends, I guess.
M: I see. Are you hiding anything in your shirt?
K: Umm, no?
M: because there's a bump right there ::feels my chest::
K: ::becomes really nervous, wishes to God Meghan would come out soon.::
M: is that your stomach?
K: No, it's my six pack
M: How is it that you have a six pack? do you work out?
K: Umm yeah I just started
M: are you sure it's not a stomach?
K: okay, it is?
M: well I'll see you around
K: bye
FINALLY Meghan comes out of the bathroom. I start crying. She heard the whole thing.
I dind't really cry, but that was really scary. I missed some parts of it, like where my bike was and sutff, but still. yeesh.
Anyway, we then rode to Jordans, but he wasn't home. Gave his dad cinnatwists I won to give to him. Then we rode home. Took a break at the honorary break spot next to a car dealership and just felt the grass for a little. According to her, it doesn't taste good.
So yeah, we went back to her house. Computered it up. Her mom called and was like "YOU'RE WITH AN 11TH GRADER ALONE?!?! BLAHBLAHBLAH!" and meghans like "But he already has a girlfriend and we're just on the computer!" and she's like "I DONT CARE" and then I left because she was coming home and she didn't want me to die.
Came home, had a bagel. Still really hungry. Need food. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 2nd, 2005|08:25 pm] |
GO HERE
http://greengreycomics.tripod.com/
It's my site with my comics on it. I just made it today, so only have 3 up there, but still. It's a start. Tell all your friends.
Also, today, I didn't go to school. I woke up at bus-time and just rode my bike to McDonalds. I got a Bacon Egg and Cheese McGrittle with a hash brown and orange juice. Best breakfast I ever had. Mostly because I don't eat McDonalds really. Except that one time recently besides this. Then I rode around and got lost in the woods. I asked a bunch of people to come with me, but nobody could. The people I didn't ask could have though.
I thought a lot in the woods. It was the "Me" time I needed for so long and never got because of other people. I really love when I do that. It's great. I haven't had a good day like this in so long. My horiscope said I should have a day to myself. That's what I did. I started a regular Journal, since that's what real men do. I just can't write what I thought about here. It's WAY too personal.
Anyway, at like 9, I went back to my house and slept. Momma was gone, so that was good. I played guitar, drew, set up that website at the top, wrote, and listened to music.
Jordan and Pogo came over. We re-filmed the montage. It turned out good. I guess. Not really. But still. It's funny. We ordered chinese food. I seriously don't want to spend money on food anymore.
Anyway, this montage is killing me. I'm not talking to anyone. Sorry. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 1st, 2005|05:55 pm] |
EDIT: I added stuff to this entry
Umm, emotional entry. Now labeled in italics from now on. Thanks for reading if you do.
Well I had a great chinese foodsday today with Aaron. Besides that, I just played N in filmmaking since I still couldn't get anyone to fucking help me with my montage.
Fuck.
Now nobody can come over and help me, and I hate it. I'm stacking chairs in weird ways just so I can get the camera to stand in certain directions. I don't have any actors that will help me because I hate everyone and I have to act as the child and the teenager. I can probably pull it off...
I feel like I deserve it. I'm not trying to be greedy or anything, but I've dealt with so many people's problems, even not hanging out with people just so I make people feel better. I was gonna do an essay, but someone came up to me with a big problem and I helped them feel better by drawing a picture for them that took an hour, and I ended up falling asleep literally at the computer typing my essay and not getting it done. I've I've canceled on plans to hang out with someone lonely. I've even been there for someone every day just to hear her problems, combined with everyone elses. I always do this, and never have time to sort out my own life mentally, and when I do have time, I'm so fucking bored or sad that I just play video games or guitar to make me feel better or have fun, then stuff piles down on me that I don't really need to deal with, but I do anyway, because 1)I'm not mean 2)It's really what I do. I get happy when other people are happy.
So I've done all that, and I know I haven't been the best student recently, but I really can't just drop my grades like that. I have to work too, and I always save things for the last minute because it gets me more "pumped" and it's just that it may not seem like I have little time to do everything, but I think helping people and just being a good friend and such comes first. School isn't too important to me. If I want to learn something, I can learn it on my own. I have the internet, I have time, I have commitment. I can pull it off.
Just today, as I was eating chinese food with Aaron at school like every tuesday, I was talking about how I love my life. It's like, perfect right now. It's how I wanted to live for so long, but I never really had the personality for it. But now I have a great girlfriend, a good personality to meet new people with, and so many good friends, both girls and boys, I can hang out with and I know it isn't romantic or anything. Just yesterday I hung out with Georgia all day on Halloween, just me and her, but we're just friends. Same with me going to the mall with Hannah to get my halloween costume ready. Just friends. Both these things really made my life perfect because what I really wanted bad was a girlfriend, and then friends who are girls who I can hang out with and know it's not romantic or anything.
But then when I asked everyone to help me, nobody can. I know it's not their fault, but still. I feel like I deserve some help, even just someone coming over and taking pictures of me on the couch so I don't fail Filmmaking. I don't believe in God, but I sorta realize why people created him in the first place. So they canlook forward to things. No. That's not the right words. Well for this situation, it would be so I can hope to God that he'll help me. So that I can blame him for not sending help. So that there's a little bit of hope that someone will come.
I wish I believed in God.
American Jebus (6:27:15 PM): you don't wish you believed in god
American Jebus (6:28:04 PM): you're one of the few people who is smart enough to realize the motives and effets of religion and all that you can get from religion like hope and a scapegoat you can just find from other sources
Ken Kowwwrb (6:29:00 PM): YOu're absolutely right
Ken Kowwwrb (6:29:14 PM): Thank you
American Jebus (6:29:48 PM): i mean, especially in my school because everyone is like a conservative religious zealout, people just blame everything on religion
American Jebus (6:29:57 PM): and god and stuff
Ken Kowwwrb (6:29:58 PM): hah
Ken Kowwwrb (6:29:59 PM): yeah
American Jebus (6:30:19 PM): it's so annoying...it's like a lack of creativity or something that they can't just open their minds
Ken Kowwwrb (6:30:33 PM): Yeah, I know.
Ken Kowwwrb (6:31:35 PM): It's just to make them feel better really. I mean, it's a good concept, religion, but just everyone takes it too far. It's great that there's morals and stuff, but when you start blaming the bad stuff on god and the good stuff on god, it's just like lying to yourself
American Jebus (6:31:46 PM): exactly
American Jebus (6:31:52 PM): i mean i love jesus he was a great guy
American Jebus (6:31:59 PM): from what the bible says
American Jebus (6:32:27 PM): but like when people taint it to discriminate against gay people and abortion and stuff that's not what jesus was trying to do
That was one thing that made me change my mind.
xMINDLESSx526x (6:43:28 PM): dude
xMINDLESSx526x (6:43:29 PM): one thing
xMINDLESSx526x (6:43:33 PM): i think you might have it backwards
xMINDLESSx526x (6:43:48 PM): i dont think your happy when people are happy, i think your sad when theyre sad
And he's right too. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 31st, 2005|10:14 pm] |
Well I dressed up as Homestar Runner for Halloween today.
I don't have any pictures yet.
I'm pretty sure Georgia took some.
It was a good day at school.
Talked to people I normally didn't talk to.
Played N and Pokemon in Filmmaking.
Pretty good day.
Got home and did nothing.
Tayler and Lyssa visited me, but it was only for like a few seconds and yeah.
I gave candy to kids trick or treating.
GOD.
I hate them all.
I mean, I love them all, but they're just kinda greedy.
I saw like an 8 year old and he wasn't dressed up and wanted 2 pieces of candy.
What a bitch.
I gave him one and was just about to give him two, but I moved my hand at the last second and gave someone else the piece.
Aren't I such a badass denying kids of being happy for the wrong reason?
Umm no.
Another kid came to my house and got a piece of candy.
A few seconds later he knocked on the door again and asked if he could have two.
I gave one to him though since he dressed up unlike that last kid...
Umm then Alexa stopped by and I let her borrow my full body feety pajamas.
It was nice seeing her finally, even though it was only for a little bit.
Then I did nothing some more, couldn't get in touch with Jordan, ya know.
Finally, I gave up and just invited Georgia to trick or treat with me.
It's cool since she lives in Florida and came up for a week or whatever.
So yeah, she came over and we had lightsabre duels with her $25 dollar lightsabres.
They're amazing.
You can press a button to make them change from either red or blue, and have lightsabre noises.
They make the VUCHOWWW and the MRROW sounds when you hit them together and stuff.
I know, those were some pretty realistic lightsabre sounds.
But yeah, we trick or treated a little, but not really.
Saw so many people.
Didn't hang out with them much.
We pretty much lightsabre dueled and talked the whole time.
Then went back to my house.
On my front lawn we had an intense fight.
I let her win.
A crowd of people came and watched and when she got me to the ground they all were like:
FINISH HIM
Went on the computer after that.
Watched some umm... disturbing stuff.
But it was cool and Salad Fingersy.
Then trampoline lightsabre battled.
Then I played my amazing songs on guitar.
Then we went to meet Danielle at like 3rd street or something.
And danced around with toilet paper.
And then met her there.
Walked up town.
Walked back.
Sat.
Talked.
Listened to Georgia's ringtone(me playing Destruction Lovers with altered lyrics)
Her mom drove us home.
Got her stuff.
She left.
Bye Georgia.
Bye.
I could have made this entry so much shorter if I didn't press "enter" after every sentence.
And umm, tomorrow's Chinese Food Tuesday.
That'll be fun. |
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| Somehow this ended up being an amazing weekend. Followed by tomorrow... |
[Oct. 30th, 2005|11:16 pm] |
| [ | How'my feeling today? |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | What do I hear? |
| | The Mae Shi | ] |
Alright. Today I woke up and got on the computer. I wanted to finish my Homestar Runner costume for tomorrow, so I saw that Hannah and Greg were at Meghans and I asked them to come with me to the mall to get stuff. So I showered, they came, we left, Greg and Meghan couldn't go, so it was just me and Hannah.
Rode to the mall, I hate the mall, but it was okay. We walked in stores and stuff, she stole a sweatshirt from H&M. Very clever idea. Met the infamous Dianananana there. She's taller in person. Went to get water and free samples, and saw the infamous Steph Wowk at Wendy's. Found a mini guitar in the bushes somehow and "played a song" and sang. We got me a blue hat and really long socks and then left. Rode home and split our ways. Got in and made plans for Halloween finally.
Worked on my costume, getting pretty good.
Went to the city with momma to my sister's apartment. It was great. We had dinner and listened to music. Learned so many new bands. Also introduced her boyfriend, Joe, to a few bands. Joe is like the coolest guy ever. Not only does he have excellent taste in everything, but also saw Dillinger Escape Plan live. He described it as "Funny. Because the lead singer was like, a big jock you see at a high school football meet, then finally he starts screaming and you're like, 'Umm, I am here to see DEP, right? Not Highschool Football Hero.'"
Played Sonic a little, then went home. Pretty much Postal Serviced and the Faint the whole way home since we had nothing else in the car. Got home, almost finished my costume, and yeah. I miss Alexa. I see her tomorrow though finally for an hour and a half or something. It'll be cool. |
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| Vewy intewesting |
[Oct. 29th, 2005|11:48 pm] |
| [ | How'my feeling today? |
| | optimistic | ] |
Okay. Friday was safe halloween. I hung around where everyone was helping for my lunches and some of painting. It was cool. Got soda from the teachers lounge 'cause it's the only place you can get any in the school. Souped it up twice. Pretty much hung out with people the whole day.
I got home and was gonna go to Alexas, but she couldn't again, so I went driving with my mom. I drove around mills pond. Did very well. Made good turns, started singing and blew through a stop sign. Saw Pino, and told him how I was "Pickin' up peeps and goin to a party. Yeep. Partying from 5AM to 9PM with my mom. Because that's all the permit allows"
Got home and stuff. Saw Dan+Scott+Andrew just getting to Dans and we chilled on the curb for a little. Really funny. Had a great conversation about me being God. Oh sorry. I mean. Had a true conversation about me being God. Trampolined, then computered.
Momma brought me to Greg's. Greg wasn't home yet, so I hung out with his mom for like 10 minutes. Pretty fun actually. Wink wink nudge nudge nowhatimean nowhatimean. Anyway, Greg+Konrad+Jordan got there and we went to the movies. Sold out and junk. Saw everyone. Ashley, Alexis, and Louis(Doria) hung out with us and we decided to walk to my house. Very cold. Had fun though. Lots of fun. Walked for like 2 hours almost, and got to my house at like 11. Went upstairs and ordered chinese food. Kevin left. Ate chinese food and played MASH. Wow, Greg's life is gonna suck. Haha. Finally at like 12 or 1230 or whatever, Ashley and Alexis left, then Konrad left, then Jordan and Greg slept over. Jordan slept, and me and Greg watched that Insaniquarium screen saver.
Jordan left in the morning, and me and Greg ate. Then we walked to Meghan's house, stopped at my brothers on the way, and then got lost on the way there. We got there and I thought it was gonna be only Me, Greg, Hannah, Meghan, and Alyssa, but there were like 12 people there. Kinda awkward while we watched Donnie Darko. Didn't really watch it. Just played with the happy meal toy and made Jew jokes.
We made a flamethrower thing inside and then scared the cat with it, then went outside and made a fire on the driveway. Stomped it out. Rode a bike around. Went in the back. Brought the mini trampoline around the yard and jumped over stuff. So much fun. Jumped over a fence. was gonna go to jump another one, but this guy threatened us. It was weird. Apparently, Hannah and Meghan always jump it, but then the guy was like "I SAW YOU THE OTEHR DAY JUMP THE FENCE. NO, NOT THE GIRLS, THE GUYS." And we were never there before. More fires. Candy fires. Coookie fires. Pretty much anything edable. Very fun. They're all really cool. Good thing it wasn't as awkward for Greg as it was when I went to that 80s party...
Anway, got home and then Jordan called like right away. Went to his house for 100 top scary movie moments. Konrad, Jackie, Mel, Tiffany, and Jordan were there. We watched a bunch, but then started truth or dare. Umm I kissed Jordan=SCENE POINTS. Then it turned into "I never..." and that was really fun and stuff. Umm pretty much me, Jackie, and Konrad were off the bed watching while Mel Jordan and Tiffany were on the bed. SS, much? Tried to get a "friendly spooning chain" going, but ended up horribly. SO SCARY all the stuff. 'specially the Ring. Hate that movie so much. Then I left. It was really fun though.
Got home, watched some SNL with momma, then wrote this. mmm... I miss Alexa though. Didn't see her this weekend. |
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| Stollen from Tom |
[Oct. 28th, 2005|06:10 pm] |
Alright. Today I had fun. I had a lot of fun. Meh. It was okay. I drove
in mills pond a bunch with my mom. Saw Pino there and was like "Yo, I
got my permit the other day. I'm 'bout to pick up some friends and go
to a party sometime between the hours of 5AM and 9PM with my mom." then
drove away after we laughed. Anyway, here's a quiz
( Quizlike a mother ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2005|09:37 pm] |
| [ | How'my feeling today? |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | What do I hear? |
| | I found Jesus(with someone else) | ] |
Yay life. School isn't too good. I just wish I had this weekend to clear everything up in school. I think I'd do so much better in all my classes if I did.
But still, it feels like old times. I have my personality set, I think it's not really changing much anymore. Since like the past year, I changed a lot. Today in filmmaking, I didn't have my camera, but I had my jump-drive, so I played Sonic 3 on the computer. Then I played Pokemon. Then listened to HORSE the Band. Good filmmaking class. Then I stayed after for Ping Pong. Got to play a bunch. Everyone's so good there. I felt not good at it because Ih aven't played in like a year, so yeah. It was still a lot of fun though.
My momma picked me up after it ended and she took me driving in the K-mart parking lot for a while. I'm completely ready to drive in mills pond and stuff. I'm really comfortable with the car. She said "I know you're ready. I'm just really scared" so yeah. I'll drive in mills pond sometime tomorrow or something. It's really fun.
After that, my mom left for work again, and I was stuck home for a while. I made a chicken parmagian hero for myself, and it was really really good. Watched arrested development, and ate, then insanaquarium.
I decided to be Homestar for Halloween. Tried to get my costume ready, but failed. Need pants and propeller cap.
After that, I went outside with Dan and played EXTREME TENNIS but it wasn't very extreme because we kept losing the ball. So we tried to play against his garage. Lost the ball for good. So I got my light up frisbee. We had some EXTREME FRISBEE throws and catches and dives and falls and then after like half an hour of that, I went inside.
I dont know. It was great. Dan used to be like this. I could have fun with him without anything illegal. It felt like the good ol' days. It's good because Dan hasn't really been the best of persons these days. But now it's cool.
Plans for this weekend since I seriously need to do stuff.
Friday: Mall with Alexa. Either that or just hang out with her.
Saterday: Filming montage? Or Meghan and Alyssa and Hannah. Or anything else. I really don't care. Saterday's usually my "Whoever asks me first" day.
Sunday: Filming montage if I didn't saterday. Haven't hung out with Greg or Greg in a while. |
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| School update |
[Oct. 26th, 2005|04:46 am] |
| [ | How'my feeling today? |
| |  annoyed | ] |
The second day of school, I did an entry about how I liked school and such and now I'll just update on it because I want to see what I feel when I write it down.
1st period: US history: Umm I don't really like History, but somehow I'm getting an A in it. I'm completely anti-social in that class. Teachers are funny in that class though. I guess it's an okay class. I'm not big on history though.
2nd period: English: Ouch. It was great at first. I mean, it's still cool because I like the teacher, he's really sarcastically funny, but I just can't read the book we're reading and it's killing me. I'm not failing, but I have a D, and it sucks. I have to do an essay, but I forgot my book in school. I don't know. Someone just doesn't want me doing good in english.
3rd period: Project Adventure: Okay, it's kinda okay. I'd rather be in Chem since it's really boring and awkward, instead of just boring. I'm just getting friendly with people now. I was really anti-social before, but now I'm kinda loosening up.
4th period: Chemistry: I like it. Homework is annoying, but it's fine. I'm doing good in the class. B+ or A I think. Teacher's really cool. Tells funny stories and does cool labs. I sit with Butcher, Alkon, and Laura now, and Hasho and Christy are right at the tables next to us, so it's so cool. We pretty much just joke around all class. But we learn. And I think that's important.
5th period: Lunch: I used to sit with Katie, Jamie, Muchtaba, Tony, Lorein blahb lhba blha and whatever, but now me and Natasha moved to the Main cafeteria and sit with Kristin, Meghan, Alyssa, and a boy I don't know his name yet somehow. But he's cool. Yeah, it's sorta annoying since Katie and Jamie kinda hate each other, but they're a good team, adn they come into the main and are like "We've come to the conclusion you're gay" and I'm like "Hmm... I'm not really sure I kiss men" and they're like "no, cause you sit here now" and I'm like "Oh, you mean I'm a loser, not gay, right?" and they're like "No, gay" and it's just annoying. Spencer is recovering from saying that. Yesterday, History teacher told him that it was the wrong word to say when he said it in class. Then I talked to him about it in Lunch. Then in filmmaking, he said it, and was like "OH OH OH I MEAN I MEAN STUPID. Sorry" So yeah.
6th period: Math: Pretty cool. I sit in front of LJ. that's cool. I don't really know too many people well, but I'm acquaintances with most of them. Mr Forzano is amazing still. I stay after thursdays for Ping Pong with him. It's great. Umm math is okay. It just got confusing for the first time though. That sucks. I like it though.
7th period: Lunch: Umm Dan's too cool to hang out with us a lot now. He used to go to our table, but he started getting into drugs again and now he just hangs out with brian and jamie and such. So me, Tom, and Kate usually walk around like 5 minutes after rachel angelica and other kate leave. gina james and kara and two otehr girls are there too. But they stay when we go to the commons. Me and Tom have some really interesting conversations though. It's cool. In the commons, it's kinda random who we hang out with. ranges from day to day. good period though.
8th period: Painting: Being the self concious person I am, I don't really like it much. I don't think I'm a good painter. I know I know, but you've never seen me paint before, have you? I'm a good drawer and such, but with a paintbrush in my hand, I'm not great. I don't really like the class too much since I never paint. It's okay though. I sit with John and Katie. Have conversations with people across the class though. I don't think Ashley likes me a whole bunch for some reason, but that's probably just me being self concious.
9th period: Filmmaking: I thought this was gonna be an easy and fun class, but it's a hard and kinda fun class. The class is okay. I mean, it's a cool class, but I'm just not crazy about it. I usually see Needles between classes, so I'm not too big on the cutting thing.
okay, so this year's turing out better than last year, but still not too great. It was great at first, but it's more of a chore than anything else. I think I'll be respected today because of yesterday's FRESH thing. Idunno though. I don't wanna get caught. It's just really annoying how I always think I'm gonna get caught on every little thing and I never do. I mean, if they caught me, they couldn't do anything. I gave stickers out. If people abused them, fine.
I met a bunch of people already, and I'm getting my self esteem back from my experiences at west. |
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| FRESH |
[Oct. 25th, 2005|04:29 pm] |
| [ | How'my feeling today? |
| |  cold | ] |
Alright, nothing really happened the past few days until today. Does anyone remember last year when I brought in the finding Nemo stickers and got everyone to tag up the school? We were the Emo Nemos? Well yeah, I was thinking of that, and I remembered I had FRESH stickers my brother had when he worked at King Kullen. So I took them to school and did the same. I had tons more this time. I didn't really tag anything. I just gave them out to everyone I knew. Eventually, almost every kid in school had one on them.
Then a security guard talked to me and was like "blah blah blah, I'm not saying it was you or your friends, but someone's putting FRESH stickers on walls and everything and it's annoying." Later on, my Chem teacher, since she knows I had them, talked to me and told me that Mr Eman was looking for the kid who was tagging the school and might suspend him. Luckily my Chem teacher's cool and wouldn't rat me out. Even though I didn't really tag anything, except for a few people and a doorknob or two. The whole day was pretty much the same, except I got a lot more recognition because of the stickers. People I didn't know had them on. Seriously, I didn't go 10 seconds without seeing one.
After school, I gave the rest to Dan and stayed after with Aaron for Food-day Tuesday. We tried to order Dominos, but after like 5 minutes of me "negotiating" where I was and what the phone number was and everything, they're like "umm... we don't deliver." So we got Chinese food again. Ate it with Alex, Feathaman, and Christy. Locked ourselves in the little alcove in the main cafeteria since the "PARTY!" people going around the school yelling party wanted our food.
My leftovers I gave to Ariel and Aaron left and I played with a tennis ball me and Aaron found and she ate. I was gonna get a ride home, but I couldn't. So I walked home. SO COLD. And wet. And it was like 45 minutes of walking in the cold rain. But I came up with a revalation. Umm I can't remember it now though. I just wish someone was walking with me or something because it always makes a trip like that so much less painful if you're with someone.
Now I don't want to do this essay, and I just don't want to do anything productive like that. Umm. Soup. That'll warm me up.
But still, FRESH was amazing. Hope nobody rats me out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 22nd, 2005|10:08 pm] |
| [ | How'my feeling today? |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | What do I hear? |
| | FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT | ] |
Okay. I played Ocarina of Time for a while this morning, watched Fosters, then showered. Went to Jordans. Dropped off Greg and Pogo. Picked up Konrad. Went to the Crazy Donkey.
First, it was cold, and we went into a golf place. Then we went out and waited on line. Umm umm the weirdest thing happened. We saw Erin Wagner. Yes, Erin Frickin Wagner. My best friend for a year, and then we stopped talking for a while for no real reason, and we never hung out. So we waited on line with them. FINALLY got in, and got food. Saw Rob Finazzo! The one who invented KEN KOWWWWWWRRB. Saw Candace I haven't seen in a while even though she lives down the block from me. I'm going to her house one day and playing video games with Alex and have her make Red Lobster Biscuits. Just like the good ol' days. and then the show came on.
First it was Theo and the Skyscrapers. Meh. It was okay. Scary I guess. Also a little pissed at them because they made us wait an extra 10ish minutes outside:(
Second was Kenny Muhammed the Human Orchestra. HOLY SHIT. I'm seriously questioning whether he's God or the Son of God. No joke, the greatest thing I've ever seen. He just beatboxed for half an hour, but oh my god, he was amazing. I can die happy now.
Anyway, third was Suicide City. Pretty hardcore. This one guy who got licked by the lead singer started a push pit kinda and it was really fun.
Then after a while, Mindless Self Indulgence came on. Greatest thing ever. Even though we didn't get pissed on, it was still the greatest show ever. The whole band is so cool. Best thing I think Jimmy Urine said was "The only difference between Lindsay and God is that God doesn't think he's Lindsay"
After the show, Jordan got his phone signed and I got my belt signed by Jimmy and we left, but then it was apparently 9 oclock and we kinda made Konrads mom wait for an hour. :/ ouch. Sorry 'bout that. Kinda awkward for the hour we were in the car, but still good. Freaking thirsty though. Got cookies and juice when I got home. Started writing this. I'm gonna play Ocarina of Time probably. This morning when I was playing it, it made me realize how great of a game it is and that no other game gives me this much nostalgia. It made me depressed though the first time I drew the Master Sword out and everything was so dark. I don't know. When you play a game so much in your childhood, then play it again years later, it kinda makes you feel weird. I just like the way life's been going. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 22nd, 2005|12:35 pm] |
1. Sleep with or without clothes on? Depends on the night
2. Prefer black or blue pens? White.
3. Dress up on Halloween?: Well last year I cut eyeholes in a sheet. I don't know what I'm gonna be this year
4. Like to travel? TIME TRAVEL!
5. Like someone? Cheeah
6. Do they know?: Cheeah
7. Who sleeps with you every night?: My vegas wives
8. Think you're attractive? I'm fat, ugly, and fugly
9. Want to get married? Yeah, but not in vegas this time
10. To? Is that even a question?
11. Are you a good student? Yeah, but not english
12. Are you happy?: mostly
13. Have you ever cheated? I used Gameshark to get the ice key in Banjo Kazooi :X
14. Birthplace?: Eye Slip
15. Christmas or Halloween?: X-mas. I like dressing up as santa more than satan
16. Colored or black-and-white photo?: Of course black and white. What do you take me for, someone who isn't emo?
17. Do long distance relationships work: Not at this age.
18. Do you believe in astrology? yeah.
20. Do you believe in love at first sight? Pssh. Love shmu-love. it's just a word. But the feeling of it I think at first sight isn't love. It's just shock.
21. Do you consider yourself the life of the party?: No. I don't like groups unless I know everyone kinda well
22. Do you drink?: Not anymore
23. Do you make fun of people?: Only to their face as a joke, but I try to make it as obvious as possible and not too harsh because I don't want them to think that I actually mean it. I'm completely self consious about all that, and I don't want anyone to think I don't like them.
24. Do you think dreams eventually come true? Unless I'll eventually get magical powers and can fly, no.
25. Favorite fictional character: Hmm... I'd say santa, but he's non-fiction...
26. Go to the movies or rent? Movies, shmu-movies. It's just a word. That didn't fit in with the question. Mixed feelings
27. Have you ever moved?: twice
28. Have you ever stolen anything?: do candy and keychains count?
29. How's the weather right now? FUCK
31. Last person you talked to on the phone? Momma
32. Last time you showered? Negative 10 minutes ago. Besides that, yesterday morning
33. Loud or Soft Music? Soft when sitting doing nothing. Loud when I'm active
34. McDonalds or Burger King? Fuck fast food. I don't eat it anymore. Except taco bell
35. Night or day? Day. I'm not gonna say night asd make it seem like I'm a badass. what's there to do at night you can't do in the day?
36. Number of Pillows? Ranging from 2-12
37. Piano or guitar/how long? Piano for years, guitar I'm still learning.
38. Future job?: Cartoonist
39. Current job?: eating babies
40. Current love?: my alexa
41. Current longing?: Taco bell
42. Current disappointment?: None. I love my life. Everyone's too pessemistic
43. Current annoyance?: That my full body feety pajamas are still in the wash and it's cold
44. Last thing you ate?: bagel
45. Last thing you bought?: Tostitos
46. Most recent thing you are looking forward to: MSI today
47. What are you hearing right now? My refridgerator next to me. Yeah, I have a fridge in my room
48. Plans for this weekend?: MSI concert today
49. What did you do today?: Played Ocarina of Time, ate, watched Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends, stayed in bed for an hour after I woke up
50. favorite lyric from a song?
I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss theyre perfectly aligned
or
I'll be your platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you you wont have to strain to look into my eyes |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 21st, 2005|11:04 pm] |
Today got progressively better as time went on.
Dan and Nick came over and trampolined to HORSE the Band
They left
Aaron came over
Alexa came over
Dan came over
Strobe light + Daughters + Trampoline mosh when it got dark
Fucking's greatest things
Went to Alexa's with Aaron
Saw each other naked
Well with no pants at least
And I wore Aarons pants and he wore Alexas
Kinda awkward right there changing into girl pants in front of everyone
Watched Degrassi
Watched Finders Keepers
Went home
Pretty much a great day.
I just think this weekend's gonna be great.
MSI tomorrow.
Just. Just. Amazing.
I love my life so much. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 20th, 2005|07:55 pm] |
Well today sucked. I didn't go to Ping Pong because I was gonna hang out with Alexa. But then she couldn't. So I went on the trampoline for like 30 minutes, and then the power went out. Great. So I think I'm getting sick or something. In the bathroom, for some reason or another, I saw Dan outside. So we trampolined for a little. We waxed this rail. We lit fires. Umm yeah. He let me borrow his iPod since it was dark and I had no power.
So yeah, that's about it. I dressed up in Tasha's Pollywhirl costume during 5th period lunch. People stared. I had fun though. It was good to say Pollywhirl to people in the halls that stared. I pretended I didn't have it on though. When people complimented on it or something, I'd be like "Yeah, I think my belt matches my shoes really well today. I like my pants too."
Yeah, so when I went inside and had no power and it was dark, I lit candles. I brought them up to my room. I played guitar for an hour. Power went back on. Power went off. When it went on, I blew the candles out, but it just went out again. I just played Meteos for a while. My mom got home and thankfully brought me home Taco Bell. This cheered me up so much. The powerout just made me think. It didn't really make me sad. It just made me unhappy. Like, I was happy with the way everything was going, but when the power was out, I thought of everything negatively.
Put now the Postal Service + Soda is cheering me up. I also see MSI in about 40 hours. Fear of another powerout is just making me really sad. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 18th, 2005|05:24 pm] |
Today today today.
Really good. Umm. I don't know why, it just felt like a good day.
After school, me and Aaron ordered Chinese food. I made a sign that said "CHINESE FOOD" but only just finished "CHINESE" when the guy drove in and I held up the sign and it just said "CHINESE"
I'm not sure if he was offended. Whatever. We paid, went to the courtyard, and was about to start eating, when some girls walked by. We're like "Can you take a picture of us eating?" so they did, and now I have a picture of us eating chinese food.
We ate, then two by two, people kept coming up to us. Until there were like 6 girls around us picking at our food and we're like "OH NOES! I PEHD 4 THAH TUH!"
I dropped off Kate's share of chinese food at the gym, then natasha's dad gave me a ride home.
Then Alexa was gonna come over, but my momma won't let her over without anyone being home, + I feel kinda sick from the chinese food.
UGH. It's beena while. |
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| meh meh meh |
[Oct. 17th, 2005|03:42 pm] |
| [ | How'my feeling today? |
| |  quixotic | ] |
| [ | What do I hear? |
| | MCR | ] |
Hmm. Hard to say how I felt about today and yesterday.
Yesterday I didn't really do much. When I came home from Jordans, I trampolined a little, mowed the lawn, moved the trampoline to another spot again, cleaned everything from under the old spot of the trampoline with all the shoes and stuff, then cleaned my room and finished cleaning it.
Now if you think that's a boring sunday, it didn't get much better. I had to do 2 essays. I procrastinated doing one for a while by talking with alexa, but then eventually decided to do it. But then Konrad sent me Insaniquarium Deluxe. It was like the original, only AMAZINGer. So I didn't do the essay for a while, but then powered through and finished one of them. I didn't want to do the second one. But then I started it, but never finished it. I was gonna finish it in the morning, but I played Insaniquarium instead.
Ugh. That was a really boring day. I didn't know there was a Crotch Hatchet show either, so that sucks.
Today, I woke up early and Insanaquariummed. At school, I was sort of spacing out most of the day. I had some good ideas, but I didn't really feel like doing anything. I felt... apathetic. Or lethargic. Whichever one means lazy. Well people were acting weird. Idunno. Maybe it was just me. I think it was me. I've been pretty social lately. I meet like a new person every day now, and I've been having par conversations with people I don't know. It's cool, but I'm just thinking strangely of it. I have a lot of confidence compared to me a few weeks ago. I'm actually realizing what good friends I have and I should start hanging out with the people that make me feel good more. I should meet more people. I should meet more cool people. I should meet more people who think I'm cool.
I'm not saying I'm sad. I'm far from it. I really like my life right now. Everything's going right in my life. Everyone's too pessemistic. My perception on some people has changed. I hate when people I don't know know me. I love when people only know my name. I hate when people say gay as an insult. I love when people don't call me gay for saying that you should say stupid instead of gay. I wish I had a neighbor that had all my interests and could just come over and play video games or trampoline or whatever without me being uncomfortable making some jokes or not bringing up something I want to.
I don't think people have enough will power. A lot of people can't go through with anything. If it's just making plans with a friend, or quitting something that changed them for the worse.
I hate when I want to know someone more than I already do, but later realize they're not cool. Actually, that never really happened. But I'm worried it might sometime.
I've never met an uncool jew. |
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| Fuh eye ned in guh nee moh |
[Oct. 16th, 2005|01:59 pm] |
| [ | How'my feeling today? |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | What do I hear? |
| | I'm playing Mario on the piano. | ] |
Alright. Yesterday was the first day in a while where it felt like the old days.
I cleaned my room most of the day but didn't really clean much since I was listening to music and just eating most of the time. After a few hours of doing that, Greg and Jordan decided to ride over here. I rode to Jericho to meet them and just waited there. While I was waiting there, I saw Greg Andrew Vinny and probably Scott in a car. They all yelled out KEN KOWWWRB because well... I don't think I've gone a day without hearing that since school started again. Finally Greg came with his slightly pink hair. Jordan was gonna be late. So we rode to 347 and watched Jordan get hit by like 100 cars before he finally decided to cross.
We went to McDonalds to see CHRISTIANSON but he never showed up so we were just chilling there for like 45 minutes seeing so many people we knew except John. Finally, got a cheeseburger and left.
Rode to my house and bounce boarded for a while (blank deck on trampoline) and then Jordan left. Me and Greg bounce boarded some more, then we rode to Baja Grill. Umm Greg had an accident on the way there. It was the funniest/saddest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. But yeah, he's okay.
Then I went home, my computer was spazzing whatever and I finally got online and then I went over Jordans. Too bad my whole buddy list was erased and I couldn't see who was on. Yeah, but my buddy list is fine now.
Umm we played We ♥ Katamari and then slept. Jordan was making a mix of Love Rhymes with Hideous Car Wreck and Bring the Pain. Sounds cool so far. We looked at a bunch of Threadless and then slept. Woke up and I trampolined, Jordan mowed the lawn. Then Dillan and I played Katamari and yeah. Then I went home.
Now I have to mow the lawn, put my window back in, and take at least like 10 pictures for my montage. BLAH. I want to hang out with Alexa. I'm so bored. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 14th, 2005|09:59 pm] |
Yesterday was rainy. It rained. I watched Arrested Development all day. Well, most of the day.
Today, school was okay.
Later, Alexa's brother picked me up, and I went over there. We listened to music and stuff, then Aaron and Krista came. Went all antzy and killed a bunch of ants. We had KFC. We watched Camp Nowhere, then danced in the rain, then Degrassi, then danced in the rain. We tried to play a game of bullshit, but that stopped after the first bs. So we had a card fight. Krista left and then Aaron kind of made it awkward for us. Well anyway, we played flute, listened to music, then I left.
A great great day, but I feel sorta stupid.
I don't feel stupid anymore. I'm just really happy now. Arrested Development + Ice Cream. Then PSATs in the morning. Oh boy. |
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| <33333 |
[Oct. 12th, 2005|10:35 pm] |
mmmm... today was good. I wore girls pants to school. Saw a presentation on the columbine shootings. The one Über-scene kid today was checking out my pants. It was so funny.
After school, I talked with Alexa for a few hours and then went over her house. It was cool. We thought about away messages and had soup and put bows in my hair. Why did I put bows in my hair? It made me feel pretty.
I forgot to bring her her pants back. Oh well. Next time.
Ummm we went to Youth Group. Kinda awkward at first since I'm not that good in crouds, but when they were announcing groups, me and Alexa had the longest starting contest known to man. My eyes were like, stinging. She won though. It coul have been since she closed my eyes with her hands, could have been because I need to blink to keep my blue eyes as beautiful as ever.
So yeah, we were all with Rachel, Kate, Kate, Angelica, and Shuvawn for a while, and I saw a bunch of kids I haven't seen in a while. Or that I have seen in a while. Yeah, but HANGING OUT ISN'T EVERYTHING. We got in our groups and sat on comfey couches. Preeteee comfey. Anyway, we had to talk about Jesus and stuff, and it was really uncomfortable. I never really go to church, or learned anything about anyone. Besides from the Brick Testament(lego version of the bible) I don't think I know anything except for the Exodus. Well anyway, I had to speak, and I was like "I'm kenny. Umm.... uuuhhh.... well... yeah... " and couldn't think of anything to say since Joe just said everything that needed to be said and like, anything else Alexa said, so I was screwed I guess, and it was okay. I got to not say anything after that and it felt good.
After that thing, we walked outside and it was really cold. Body heat! Dun duh duh duuuuun! But anyway, we got picked up and I met her dad and he's cool. Shook his hand twice. Said so long, and went inside.
mmmm so I'm going out with Alexa now, and I'm really happy. Since all I've done lately is talk with her and hang out with her. And umm yeah I love her.
Yeah, so I watched lost and invasion, talked with aaron and alexa for a while, wrote this, and then I did something else. Probably. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 11th, 2005|10:37 pm] |
| [ | How'my feeling today? |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | What do I hear? |
| | Fucking fall out boy stuck in my head | ] |
I just lost my whole entry before. Condensed version.
4 and ½ conversation with Alexa. New record.
Got scared by dan from a tree in the morning.
Made up like 60 questions worth of work in English so I don't have failing.
Went to Main with Kristin and her friends duing lunch5.
Took test in math
Kate took pictures of me and everyone in lunch7.
Me and dan threw and apple around in lunch7. The apple broke and I went all non-chalant on it.
Didn't do my Filmmaking thing.
Went over Alexas with Dan.
Dan was kinda high the whole walk there.
We just rapped all of Colt 45 and some of Vanilla Ice.
Since he was stoned, he walked into traffic and said "shotty not getting hit by a car"
Ahh, laughing at high people. My anti-drug.
Got there.
Watched some of Shrek 2.
Had pizza.
Played THUG2. Well Dan did.
Music'd.
I wore her pants.
She wore my pants.
We danced.
We stole eachothers wallets. Lucky I don't have a wallet.
Took some picures.
Danced.
Danced.
Danced the night away.
Not really, but yeah.
The way home, there were no lights outside. We couldn't see anything.
Dan ran ahead and ducked and I couldn't see him. Didn't fall.
Waited for his mom.
She came after like 10 minutes, but turned around at the huge mansion instead of going another house down.
We chased after her, but then just started to walk home. She came back. It was good.
I didn't want to walk home anyway, so it was good.
So yeah, she's like the coolest girl ever and I'm hanging out with her
tomorrow. Here's some pictures of me in girls pants in case you don't
see me in school tomorrow.
No front shots suprisingly |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 10th, 2005|04:27 pm] |
I love my new font.
I love my background.
I hate how Flash doesn't work on my horrible computer anymore, so now I need a new computer 'cause I need animation.
It's like, my life.
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| HRmL |
[Oct. 10th, 2005|03:32 pm] |
I don't know. I've been following my horiscope so much lately. Well first I had a few good days, weird days, but good. I think. Then I read my horiscopes for those few days, and they were exactly how I felt. It was weird.
Now every day, I read it, and sort of act out depending on what my horiscope is. Like, tomorrow, it says I should "be seen." now that could be just a little play on words thing, that'll really mean "be scene" and wear girls pants and whatnot, but Idunno.
I look forward to seeing my horiscope and if my day lives up to it. So far it has. It sort of gives me the strength to do things I normally wouldn't.
It probably sounds stupid, but it's true. Although I'll probably just forget about it in a week or so like I do with everything, but still. It's great. |
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| Teenager Abuse |
[Oct. 10th, 2005|10:20 am] |
Well Corey and I rode to the mall a little while after my last real entry, and he got a game. Then I saw Scott, Andrew, Greg, and Anthony there too. They're like "Ken Kowwwrb!" like everyone, and we "joined teams" I bought Ocarina of Time, Donkey Kong 64, and FZeroX after like 10 minutes of confusing talk with the guy there. It almost beat the time me n andrew went to funcoland.
Almost
So yeah, we all left, and looked at a monkey on the wall, then split up and me and corey rode home.
Greg came over later and we played FZeroX and a little Zelda, but then went to Coreys. We played Mario Party 2. Mario Party Party!
Kristin came over the last 5 turns, and played for Corey. Greg one altogether. I feel stupid now. I wish I had a shoelace on right now. Or a belt. + a tree. + if I was black.
ANYWAY, Kristin stole my(John's) hat and ran out the door. It was my duty to get it back. So I ran across the street and into alyssas where I saw dina and chloe. I still don't think they like me. I would have tipped my hat and said "ma'ams" but I didn't have it, so I went downstairs. Lotsa people. Crazy.
After about 10 minutes of tickling her, I got the hat, but she somehow got my belt off and my keys... hmm... We broke the couch So yeah I got them back after a bit, and went outside. Kristin already left, but then came running back with... MY N64! AH! Yeah, that was annoying getting it back without it touching the wet grass. Finally after all that, Corey left his sock downstairs. We went down and they said something about a makeout contest.
I slowly backed up up the stairs and left.
I played pool with greg. COREY HAD FUDGE. Then N for like a minute, then Greg left. I got picked up lke 5 mintue later.
I played Zelda for like an hour, then slept. Made nachos thanks to allybell for beaming me some with her eyes. THEEEN had peanut butter and tropical punch. Not mixed. Then slept. |
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| Dun dudu duuuuun |
[Oct. 9th, 2005|02:48 pm] |
| [ | How'my feeling today? |
| | calm | ] |
Hokay, maybe a long entry, maybe not. I'll see where it takes me.
Friday I woke up at like 9:30 and was gonna see if anyone left me anything on AIM. Too bad the computer was left unattended for over 9 hours and it froze. Took awhile to start it back up, but thanks to middle_man, I could see the beautiful singing left for me. :)
I left at like 12 and just listened to music the whole 8 hours there, thanks to rain + traffic. Pretty boring trip, but I just thought about stuff the whole time. In fact, the trip was so boring, that's pretty much all I did. Music+thinking.
Got there at like 8ish, but got lost in the city and couldn't find the hotel. Got there half an hour later, was gonna get some food, but we were too lazy. So we ordered Pizza Hut. First time I've had that in years. We watched Napoleon Dynomite and Teen Titans and ate Pizza Hut and then the Yankee game. Then slept. Couldn't get to sleep for a few hours, but still. Once I did, I had my first vivid dream in a while.
I was at Smithtown East, running next to a lawnmower guy in the fields. I'm not sure, but I had the feeling I was being chased. So I ran around the school and was able to ditch that guy by squeezing through a hole in the tennis fences. I walked around until I got to the front of the building and saw Michelle with a bunch of popular kids. She gave me a birthday card with $50 in it. Whoa. Most I've gotten from anyone this year including family.
I was gonna go back to the lawnmower guy and laugh about the money I'm pretty sure, but I saw Vaz, Rachel Mac, and some other people who I haven't seen in a while. They didn't see me, so I jumped on Vaz's back and jumped off it into the tree. Pretty strange... Then I was gonna do the same to Rachel, but then Vaz did a koala thing to Rachel and he grabbed my arms and I sorta did a flip and hit a branch. I dont' knwo whot o. I odn. I don't know how to describe it, or why my backspace key isn't working, but it was pretty weird.
My nose was bleeding and I wiped it up with my %^&$50 and it was ruined. The lawnmower guy laughed at me... :(
I woke up.
I took the greatest shower of my life there. GREATEST. The shower-head was like God's shower-head. It was like a massage.
Anyway, we went to my sister's house thing, and there were 19 other houses from all over the world. Hmm... Maybe if it wasn't raining I could appriciate it more. Too bad my shoes got soaked since it was just walking in mud the whole time. So cold, stole pizza from one of the houses.
We met family, and went to a resturaunt. Mmmmm... Soup...
The waitress there gave me and sister cake and sang happy birthday. MMmmmm cool.
FINALLY went to the hotel after that. Got into my full body feety pajamas, but then had to walk to the car in them to get my DS.
Yeah, so I just played Meteos and Super Mario Bros 3 the whole time. Perfect Cleared every level in SMB3 and unlocked every planet in Meteos. Pretty productive night.
Went to sleep somehow with my grandparents there, and had another crazy dream.
I was in art class, but I had Mr. Forzano, my math teacher. He was telling me that I wasn't living up to my brother, and I said that I just had to get some inspiration. I just hated myself in this dream for some reason. I just felt so bad to be not doing well in art, and having a teacher hate me. Idunno why. I just felt pad. bad*.
x
I was gonna do some extra credit and like draw something aaoutside, but I coudln't find anything. I had the greatest Idea. I was gonna set up a murder.
I called Voltron, (you know that old show where 5 mechanical lionswoudl form into a giant robot?) and he came. Only he wasn't Voltron, but 5 huge bees. They all crashed into the building and blew up some rooms. They killed Mr. Forzano :o
Then everyone was like the Rugrats or something, because phil was playingwith blocks andwould keep spelling out things like "I know what you did" or "Fucking bees you sent" and stuff and I was getting scared.
I woke up.
We drove home after looting so much cereal and donuts from the continental breakfast.
Only took 5 hours this time.
Now I'm writing this at like 3:00 and it's great because I am actually home. |
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| :) |
[Oct. 6th, 2005|09:45 pm] |
| [ | How'my feeling today? |
| | happy | ] |
I'm very happy.
I woke up at 4 and AIM messed up completely. Luckily I wasn't the only one.
Blah blah blah school. Pretty good through the day. Kristin sat with us today at lunch.
At lunch 7, I met someone new. Even though I don't know her name, she was cool. She actually said hi to me later that day.
Stayed after with Scott for Ping Pong Club hosted by Mr. Forzano. Probably the greatest combonation ever.
Trampolined. Mike came home with Joe. Me and Joe trampolined and quoted Aqua Teen.
At like 6:15, Dan told me to come to Alexa's house with him. Bike rides rock, so I'm like "hokay"
We got there, I met Alexa. We all played around her lawn for a while, checking everything out. Trampoline, shed roof, hill, hit a spider with a paddle... and most of all, I finally got to be like Jesus. You know those pool covers where it says "Can hold an elefant" but nobody let's me on it because I'm too fat?
Yeah, well she walked on it and I'm like "whoamagod" and played Jesus for a minute or two.
Inside was like God's house. Pretty much. It's just amazing. We got a grand tour, played with the intercom and hold button. Just sat at the table and talked for a while. Went outside. Dan jumped off the shed roof and said "ZELDA ROLL!" and rolled when he landed. Preeteee cool.
Rode home with Dan, even though it was pitch black(almost literally) and couldn't see the road in front of us. Got home and went on computer.
Talked with my new friend Alexa for around 2 hours on AIM. Probably the coolest girl ever.
Although I have a great desire for soup now, I'm still happy.
Met 2 cool new people today, am not going to school tomorrow because of Washington DC, and am going to see MSI in 2 weeks. Erin is also talking to me again. It turns out something happened and whatnot. That makes me happy too. Idunno. I'm just really happy today. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2005|10:10 pm] |
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YES. I'm seeing MSI the 22nd. I love my life. |
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| Jump Kick Flip |
[Oct. 5th, 2005|07:01 pm] |
| [ | How'my feeling today? |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | What do I hear? |
| | STP: Plush | ] |
Okay, today I did a bunch of chores, then Jordan came over. We trampolined, and moved the trampoline next to a tree and was jumping off that. He did a flip from the tree. It was sick. We got my window off finally, so I can get out on the roof now. Then, Konrad came. Then Greg and Christianson came. We all trampolined and went on my roof. Listened to music, then walked up town. Well biked really. We only had 3 bikes, and 5 people. I rode on the front of Christianson's bike, and he nearly killed me.
We saw Rachel, Angelica, and Shivahn(sp?) and a few guys in the chinese kitchen thing whatever, then after a minute or two in there, we went to Matts. Got pizza, left, walked home. Christianson and Greg left. 7-11, then home. Had a very long conversation about the school splitting, and a conversation about Jordan's "biggest fear" Konrad left, and me and Jordan trampolined it up. Then we saw Rachael and Kristin on bikes and they came and hung out with us for like 15 minutes. Pretty cool pretty cool. We all just talked and trampolined, then Jordan left, then "the girls" left.
I brought a blanket and a pillow out on my roof and read the book I can't read because it's too boring for half an hour or something.
Seemed like much more happened today. I just don't feel like writing much I guess. |
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| Every Journal needs a survey... my first. |
[Oct. 5th, 2005|12:29 am] |
I AM: Ken Korb
I WANT: A new computer
I HAVE: to go to the bathroom
I WISH: I wasn't so self concious
I HATE: people
I MISS: people
I FEAR: being COMPLETELY alone
I HEAR: not rap
I SEARCH: for my keys
I WONDER: how my life's gonna turn out
I REGRET: some things
I LOVE: many people
I ACHE: IN MY HEART haha
I ALWAYS: breath, live
I AM NOT: a tool
I DANCE: in strobelights, or when I'm alone
I SING: Demolition Lovers
I CRY: inside
I AM NOT ALWAYS: shy
I WRITE: about my day
I WIN: against anyone in halo 1
I LOSE: against anyone in halo 2
I CONFUSE: people with my more perfect grammar in IMs
I NEED: you, baby
I SHOULD: read my book in english
You keep a diary: NO, I KEEP A JOURNAL. DIARYs ARE FOR GIRLS.
You like to cook: Yes, I took Chef's Choice. I make soup mostly
You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: Many. They usually turn out better if I keep them to myself
You believe in love: Not sure
The weirdest person you know: Everyone's weird
The Loudest Person you Know: Everyone's loud
The Quietest Person you Know: Not sure. Everyone's loud at one time or another
The smartest person you know: Everyone's smart
The dumbest person you know: Everyone's dumb
Your closest friend: Idunno about online, but in person, probably Jordan.
Your biggest influence: Jordan and Greg. They completely changed my ways last year
The Person You hate the most: I love everybody. Except you, satan.
The People that Knows the Most about you: Myself. Apparently Seth does... accordign to my quiz.
What is...?
Your most overused phrase on IM: Nice/haha/w00t/word/lay-ter/sick
The last image/thought you go to sleep with: Depends on the day
Your favorite thing to do: Depends on the day
Do You...?
Have any crush(es): Umm, not specifically
Want to get married: yeah
Get motion Sickness: Nope. Sometimes in cars, but I haven't for a few years now
Think you're a health freak: Hardly. I don't eat fast food anymore, and I eat sorta healthy, but not too much
Get along with your parents: Yes
Like thunderstorms: YES
SIGN: libra
NATURAL HAIR COLOR: light brown?
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: light brown?
EYE COLOR: BEAUTIFUL BLUE
BIRTHPLACE: Islip
FAVORITES
NUMBER: 362379
COLOR: Turquoise/Aqua/black
DAY: Saturday
MONTH: October/December/July
SONG: Dunno
FOOD: Chili
SEASON: Hard to chose...
SPORT: Bicycling
DRINK: Tropical Punch(tropicana)
PREFERENCES
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT? Wheres the option for sex?
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE? OVALTINE.
MILK, DARK, OR WHITE CHOCOLATE? White chocolate. Milk chocolate is good in twix and stuff
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE? I go for the darkies.
HOT TEA OR ICED TEA? Fall-Winter=Hot Tea/Spring-Summer=Iced Tea
IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU
CRIED? Inside
HELPED SOMEONE? Yes
BOUGHT SOMETHING? Do free samples count?
GOTTEN SICK? No
GONE TO THE MOVIES? No
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? no
SAID "I LOVE YOU"? Yes
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? no
TALKED TO AN EX? Yes
MISSED AN EX? Yes
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL? Well this, but besides that no
HAD A SERIOUS TALK? Yes. No 'haha's or 'lol's as far as the eye can see
MISSED SOMEONE : Yea
HUGGED SOMEONE? no
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? no
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND?: no
Name 5 bands you listen to: Bloc Party, Postal Service, Radiohead, Muse, Daughters
Name 7 things you hate: People sometimes, when people vote your map down without saying why, bullatins that say "comment on my new pic", red flavored candy, when people would rather just not talk to someone than say why they don't wanna talk to them, when people don't get a joke of mine then I don't want to explain it because they won't think it's funny now, when I can't think of anything else
Name 5 things your friends would describe you as: FAT FAT FAT PHAT FAT
Would You Ever
1. Eat a bug? Hell I can't even eat a sweet pickle
2. Bungee jump? YES
3. Hang glide? yes
4. Kill someone? no
6. Kiss someone of the same sex? no
7. Have sex with someone of the same sex? no
8. Parachute from a plane? yeah
9. Walk on hot coals? yes
10. Go out with someone for their looks? not only for looks.
11. For their reputation? for their reputation for begin nice!
12. Be a vegetarian? yes
13. Wear plaid with stripes? only if I wasn't playing golf
14. IM a stranger: yea
15. Sing karaoke? Not anymore
16. Get drunk off your ass? Not anymore
17. Shoplift? Done it
18. Run a red light? yeah
19. Star in a porn video? Depends
20. Dye your hair blue? Odd. Blue's the only color I've ever dyed my hair...
21. Be on Survivor? no
22. Wear makeup in public? Yes
23. NOT wear makeup in public? Yes
24. Cheat on a test? yeah
25. Make someone cry? nope
26. Call your math teacher a motherfucker? Not this year
27. Kick a baby? GOAL!
28. Date someone more than ten years older than you? Stacie's mom! Has got it going on!
29. Cuss out a priest? That motherfucker wouldn't know what hit him
30. Take a job as a janitor? I'd rather starve to death. Hah?
32. Stay up all through the night?? Playing Super Monkey Ball? Yes
33. Drink straight espresso? Only quintupple shot |
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| Well technically, it's today, but I'm talking about yesturday, about 1 minute ago. |
[Oct. 4th, 2005|12:00 am] |
School was cool. I resisted the urge to laugh at the rhyming words just before.
I didn't do anything 'till 6. I rode up to Ralph's to see if anyone I knew was working, and to get an ice. I saw someone I sorta know. I seriously don't remember his name though. Yeah well I got a watermelon ice. It was cool. I left him there alone though after a minute or two since it was getting dark.
Greg and Andrew came over then. We listened to music and talked to people on the computer, then went to Coreys.
We walked to Alyssa's, but she wasn't home, so we went to Kristin's. Her, Rachel, and two other girls were there. I later learned their names were Chloe and Dina. I got the feeling by the end of the night that Dina didn't like me. It could have been because she was on the computer while everyone was downstairs so I sat with her and tried to talk with her, but either she was shy of carrying a good conversation, or she just didn't like me. Whatever. HER LOSS, RIGHT?
Yeah, but at Alyssa's, we all talked and whatnot and idfjaoisdjfiosdfjs
I just messed up the whole story. We went to Alyssa's then Coreys then Alyssa's, THEN I got the feeling that Dina didn't like me.
But yeah, it was cool. Haven't talked to Rachel in a while. Got her screen name so it's cool. Also gave mine to Dina, but I'm not sure she'll ever IM me...
BLAH. Happy Rosha Shanananannana. Come eat Matza with me. |
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| Boithday Party |
[Oct. 2nd, 2005|07:28 pm] |
I'm not sure what to say about the party. I'll just tell what happened.
First, Jordan came. Then Konrad. Then Nick. Then Dan. Then Jill. Then it was just us for the longest time. Tasha was supposed to come with Tom and Kait, but they never showed up. I invited Erin, but she just didn't talk to me for a few days so she never came... I invited Jenna and Liv, but they didn't come. I invited Greg, Scott, Andrew, and Corey, but they didn't show up for a long time. Steph was working. And anyone else who wanted to come could have came by calling me, but they didn't. Except Gluck later on.
Anyway, we all chilled, Spencer and Scott came an hour after and I put 16 candles on a cupcake and dedicated them to people. Most of them were for Dan and Konrad, just because I had like 8 extra candles, but yeah.
We trampolined, did stuff, blah blah blah.
Then it was 4, and I was pissed nobody came to my birthday party except them, so someone suggested we all throw a cupcake at the next person to come.
The next person was Greg.
And uhh... I feel like shit for throwing one even though I aimed to miss and I missed. And so he left and took all his friends, but Scott stayed.
We lit stuff on fire and trampolined. Greg and Pogo showed up, we all chilled a while. Gluck called and then came, but Greg and Pogo left.
Yeah, then we all moshed in my room with strobe lights.
Then it was me, Konrad, Jordan, and Dan left, and we just had every day conversations in strobe light form, then moshed, then everyone left.
Now Idunno. Like 8 people who were supposed to come never showed up.
And I just want to do nothing. Happy birthday me. |
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| ctrlaltdelete |
[Oct. 1st, 2005|10:39 pm] |
MY BIRTHDAY IS IN LESS THAN 2 HOURS
So is St. James Day though. It sucks. Last year, Homecoming was on my birthday, so I couldn't have a full party 'cause everyone was going to that, and now this year, St. James Day is on my birthday. I'm still having people over, just not like yeah. wiehfaoisf
After fridays entry, Jordan and Konrad came over. Pogo and Greg were gonna come too, but Greg had an awkward story involving a bike, a bush, his balls, and band-aids. So after a while at my house, we just met them at Smithtown East.
There, we saw people, watched the soccer game, pk'd, and ran up bleachers. We also met a guy I named Phil. Even though he said his name wasn't Phil.
Konrad, Jordan, and Pogo all took shots of Mint Extract back at my house (89% alcohol) even though they don't drink. Mint Extract's different though. I don't drink it to get drunk, because I don't drink, but just because I love mint flavored stuff, and I just take a drop at a time. It was funny watching them be sick, even though I did the same for Christianson and Greg the day before and almost threw up.
Jordan and Greg slept over. They fixed my computer, but then broke it again. At least it starts up better than it did before...
Yeah, in the morning, we watched saturday morning cartoons, ate bagels, went on the trampoline, sat in the road, greg left, and then Jordan left like an hour later.
I cleaned my room, played a lot of guitar and bass, then Dan, Nick, and Rich Beli showed up but I didn't want to leave my house. I had to beat them all at rock paper scisors at the same time, but I lost. First round I threw out rock, and I beat Dan and Rich, but Nick threw out rock too, so it was a tie. Next round, they all beat me. So me n nick watched them wrestle, and then sdflasjdfsdkf yeah they all wrestled, but I just went inside.
My mom made cupcakes.
FUCKING COME TO MY HOUSE TOMORROW FOR MY BIRTHDAY. |
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